My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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