turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
