i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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