Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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