our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
