JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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