Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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