I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
