Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
