Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
