i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
