Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
