Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
