i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
