The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
