im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
