So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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