you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
