shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
