every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
