This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
