wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
