Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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