Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
the raccoons are back...
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