I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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