booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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