She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
