Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
