Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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