just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
