dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
