Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I need to sanitize my soul.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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