I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
