I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We need to rekindle our bromance
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
