barbara walters just said penis...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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