We're like a lot better than the average bears
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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