she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
