That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
