I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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