so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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