I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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