Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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