The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
