Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize