This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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