Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
