i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
