The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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