HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
