TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
