I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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