just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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