Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
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i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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