thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
