Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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