he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
a search helicopter?!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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