can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
