Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
