I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
