you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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