i just wanna soil my oats bro
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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