You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
