I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
