I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
