I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
