Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
