I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
All I want is dick and wine.
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