My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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