apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
why is half of my head shaved?
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