I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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