turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
