Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize